Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Random Thoughts
I know it's totally Thursday and not Wednesday, therefore I am a day off with my Random Thoughts, but in my defense, I had most of this written up yesterday but got busy and forgot to finish it and post it. Either way, the thoughts are still random so the title applies. Without further ado...
- I wonder if they girls that go home with the guys on Jersey Shore have to sign a release form that says they won't go to the press when they end up with Herpes from the smoosh room. Also, I'm abnormally sad that the season is over.
- With the warmer temperatures comes more inappropriate fashion choices. More flesh is bared, which sometimes can be a good thing...but not always.
Put some pants on, girl.
- If you're older than 22 and not in college anymore, you're too old to rock the backpack. I have a few guys that work with me that rock the backpack like nobody's business and all I can do is shake my head. Where are you going with that thing? The Adirondacks? This isn't the Appalachian Trail, dude. What the hell do you have in that thing anyway? A 3 day food supply and a popup tent just in case?
- Guys, if you see a woman struggling with something (anything, really) HELP HER. At the gym last night I had to stand on my toes struggling to change the apparatus on the lat pulldown machine while these two meatheads were discussing the proper form for calf raises were standing right next to me. One of them was even WATCHING me struggle. Um...care to help a lady out, Arnold? This irritates me to no end.
- Speaking of the gym I've been slacking a lot lately. First I was sick, then I was just plain lazy. Ever since finishing up LiveFit, I have been half-assing it at the gym. But my ass is still firmish so there's that. Anyway, last night I was a total badass and did 40 minutes of sprints. Yes, you read that right. 40 minutes. Of SPRINTS. I was just about dead at the end, but I felt like a rockstar. Then I polished off my workout with some shortbread cookies. It all evens out, right???
- I have this (ok, somewhat ridiculous) rule about not seeing the movie of a book I have read unless it is about or filmed in the Boston area. I have made very few exceptions to this rule but I am about to break it big time this weekend with The Hunger Games. I will admit, I had sworn up and down that I would not see this movie, but alas, marketing has sucked me in. That and Woody Harrelson...because he's just about the coolest guy ever. Plus Liam Helmsworth could totally be hot if he wasn't dating Miley Cyrus.
- I wonder if they girls that go home with the guys on Jersey Shore have to sign a release form that says they won't go to the press when they end up with Herpes from the smoosh room. Also, I'm abnormally sad that the season is over.
- With the warmer temperatures comes more inappropriate fashion choices. More flesh is bared, which sometimes can be a good thing...but not always.
Put some pants on, girl.
- If you're older than 22 and not in college anymore, you're too old to rock the backpack. I have a few guys that work with me that rock the backpack like nobody's business and all I can do is shake my head. Where are you going with that thing? The Adirondacks? This isn't the Appalachian Trail, dude. What the hell do you have in that thing anyway? A 3 day food supply and a popup tent just in case?
- Guys, if you see a woman struggling with something (anything, really) HELP HER. At the gym last night I had to stand on my toes struggling to change the apparatus on the lat pulldown machine while these two meatheads were discussing the proper form for calf raises were standing right next to me. One of them was even WATCHING me struggle. Um...care to help a lady out, Arnold? This irritates me to no end.
- Speaking of the gym I've been slacking a lot lately. First I was sick, then I was just plain lazy. Ever since finishing up LiveFit, I have been half-assing it at the gym. But my ass is still firmish so there's that. Anyway, last night I was a total badass and did 40 minutes of sprints. Yes, you read that right. 40 minutes. Of SPRINTS. I was just about dead at the end, but I felt like a rockstar. Then I polished off my workout with some shortbread cookies. It all evens out, right???
- I have this (ok, somewhat ridiculous) rule about not seeing the movie of a book I have read unless it is about or filmed in the Boston area. I have made very few exceptions to this rule but I am about to break it big time this weekend with The Hunger Games. I will admit, I had sworn up and down that I would not see this movie, but alas, marketing has sucked me in. That and Woody Harrelson...because he's just about the coolest guy ever. Plus Liam Helmsworth could totally be hot if he wasn't dating Miley Cyrus.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Take Your Child to Work Day
I don't know about your place of employment, but every year my office hosts "Take Your Child to Work Day."
I have no idea whose brilliant idea this was.
I understand that every parent (well almost, my mother never would have participated in this shit) is exceedingly proud of their spawn and love showing them off to others.
"Look at what I made!!!!! A human!!!!!!"
For those of us who do not have children, don't want them, and don't even particularly like them (i.e. ME), Take Your Child to Work Day is a particularly awful day of punishment and awkwardness.
For those of you who have never had the pleasure of this experience, parents bring their children to work, introduce them around the office like a prize pony, and then let the children run amok like it's a playground.
The initial awkwardness begins during the "introduction" phase. Particularly if the child has not fully mastered language yet. The majority of the time I have no idea what to say to the parents when they introduce their show dog. I mean, child. What I really want to say is something along these lines:
"Hi Suzie! Aren't you cute! Now get out of my cube before you shit your pants or start crying."
Otherwise I just stare at the kid like it's going to bite me any second while making awkward conversation with the parent about their kid's sleeping/eating/pooping schedule. As if I was even actually curious about this information.
Once the introduction phase is over (thank god) it's time for the kids to run around the office "playing" with each other. "Playing" typically means running as fast as they can around the office screaming and yelling at each other. The worst is when they play "hide and seek" and decide to use your cube/office as their hiding place. Then you are saddled with a kid for as long as it takes the other kid to locate him. This could be minutes or an hour depending on the sleuthing skills and intelligence of the other children.
Naturally on this day, no actual work can get done because the office has been turned into a day care and every minute all day long a screaming child can be heard somewhere in the office. Also heard is the endless affirmations to the parents about how cute/smart/tall, etc their kid is. Or the very worst, the baby talk and "cooing" noises that adults feel is necessary when attempting to communicate with a small child.
Basically it's the epitome of egomania.
I have already requested this day as a vacation day.
Do any of you have Take Your Child to Work Day? Like it or hate it?
I have no idea whose brilliant idea this was.
I understand that every parent (well almost, my mother never would have participated in this shit) is exceedingly proud of their spawn and love showing them off to others.
"Look at what I made!!!!! A human!!!!!!"
For those of us who do not have children, don't want them, and don't even particularly like them (i.e. ME), Take Your Child to Work Day is a particularly awful day of punishment and awkwardness.
For those of you who have never had the pleasure of this experience, parents bring their children to work, introduce them around the office like a prize pony, and then let the children run amok like it's a playground.
The initial awkwardness begins during the "introduction" phase. Particularly if the child has not fully mastered language yet. The majority of the time I have no idea what to say to the parents when they introduce their show dog. I mean, child. What I really want to say is something along these lines:
"Hi Suzie! Aren't you cute! Now get out of my cube before you shit your pants or start crying."
Otherwise I just stare at the kid like it's going to bite me any second while making awkward conversation with the parent about their kid's sleeping/eating/pooping schedule. As if I was even actually curious about this information.
Once the introduction phase is over (thank god) it's time for the kids to run around the office "playing" with each other. "Playing" typically means running as fast as they can around the office screaming and yelling at each other. The worst is when they play "hide and seek" and decide to use your cube/office as their hiding place. Then you are saddled with a kid for as long as it takes the other kid to locate him. This could be minutes or an hour depending on the sleuthing skills and intelligence of the other children.
Naturally on this day, no actual work can get done because the office has been turned into a day care and every minute all day long a screaming child can be heard somewhere in the office. Also heard is the endless affirmations to the parents about how cute/smart/tall, etc their kid is. Or the very worst, the baby talk and "cooing" noises that adults feel is necessary when attempting to communicate with a small child.
Basically it's the epitome of egomania.
I have already requested this day as a vacation day.
Do any of you have Take Your Child to Work Day? Like it or hate it?
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Ode to Dolvett
In case y'all didn't know, I love me some reality TV. Especially when it involves extremely obese people.
I have been watching The Biggest Loser since season 6 (not really sure where I was the first five seasons but I digress) and considered myself besties with Bob and Jillian and fantasized about someday training with them and putting me through the grueling, yet effective workouts that I saw on the show. Jillian made her reputation as being the tough one and Bob was the softie. Given the choice, I would always pick Jillian. And I always said, that when Jillian left the show, I wouldn't watch anymore.
But because I'm a sucker, I tuned in a few seasons ago when they brought in Brett and Kara (who I despised). I even stuck with it when the producers made the ghastly decision to bring in Anna Kournikova, who is the biggest joke not only in tennis but as a trainer. However, last season, the other trainer they brought in started to grow on me.
His name is Dolvett. And he has a smile that warms my...heart.
I mean...those ARMS. Swoon.
This season, Dolvett has proven that he is twice the man that Bob Harper is.
And he hasn't joined the Crossfit cult that seems to be taking over the world.
Last week, when the producers decided to build Bob his own "box," I almost stopped watching the show right then (again). I don't take anything away from Crossfit. Personally, it's not for me. I also think that it's an extreme workout that shouldn't be performed by those who have not been properly trained. But anyway, back to Dolvett.
Bob has been acting like a prima ballerina this whole season while Dolvett has proven himself to be a class act in edition to being a fabulous trainer. AND AND AND...if you all watch the show, you know that Dolvett put himself into some tights into this week's episode. Oh. My. God.
For all the years I watched the show and pledged my love and loyalty to Jillian, I swore that no one would ever replace her in my heart...but Dolvett Quince, has not only ran away with my heart but has squashed any remaining loyalty I had to Bob Harper.
And yes, I'm totally aware that I am talking about reality TV people like we are close personal friends and I know them in real life. Totally normal.
I have been watching The Biggest Loser since season 6 (not really sure where I was the first five seasons but I digress) and considered myself besties with Bob and Jillian and fantasized about someday training with them and putting me through the grueling, yet effective workouts that I saw on the show. Jillian made her reputation as being the tough one and Bob was the softie. Given the choice, I would always pick Jillian. And I always said, that when Jillian left the show, I wouldn't watch anymore.
But because I'm a sucker, I tuned in a few seasons ago when they brought in Brett and Kara (who I despised). I even stuck with it when the producers made the ghastly decision to bring in Anna Kournikova, who is the biggest joke not only in tennis but as a trainer. However, last season, the other trainer they brought in started to grow on me.
His name is Dolvett. And he has a smile that warms my...heart.
I mean...those ARMS. Swoon.
This season, Dolvett has proven that he is twice the man that Bob Harper is.
And he hasn't joined the Crossfit cult that seems to be taking over the world.
Last week, when the producers decided to build Bob his own "box," I almost stopped watching the show right then (again). I don't take anything away from Crossfit. Personally, it's not for me. I also think that it's an extreme workout that shouldn't be performed by those who have not been properly trained. But anyway, back to Dolvett.
Bob has been acting like a prima ballerina this whole season while Dolvett has proven himself to be a class act in edition to being a fabulous trainer. AND AND AND...if you all watch the show, you know that Dolvett put himself into some tights into this week's episode. Oh. My. God.
For all the years I watched the show and pledged my love and loyalty to Jillian, I swore that no one would ever replace her in my heart...but Dolvett Quince, has not only ran away with my heart but has squashed any remaining loyalty I had to Bob Harper.
And yes, I'm totally aware that I am talking about reality TV people like we are close personal friends and I know them in real life. Totally normal.
Friday, March 2, 2012
College Me Vs. Adult Me
A lot of things have changed since college, and I'm not just talking about the size of my ass or my ability to handle my liquor (although I couldn't really handle it back then and I certainly can't handle it now so no change there). I felt inspired to do a college me versus adult me post just to illustrate the aging process. Can y'all tell I'm 29? Kind of obsessed with the age thing right now...anyway...
College Me: Let's go out to the bar and get HAMMERED!
Adult Me: Let's get hammered on my couch.
College Me: Chinese food at 2am? BEST IDEA EVER!
Adult Me: Chinese food at 2am? That decision will stick with me for days.
College Me: Pull an all nighter? No problem, let's go pick up some Red Bull!
Adult Me: Not even a triple shot of espresso could keep me from falling asleep on the couch by 9pm.
College Me: I'm so hungover. Let's start drinking again!
Adult Me: I'm so hungover. Let me just lay down and die.
College Me: Look! A cute guy! I'm going to go makeout with him.
Adult Me: Look! A cute guy! Let me just awkwardly make eye contact and then walk away because I'm too chicken shit to actually talk to him.
College Me: Busch Light is the nectar of the gods
Adult Me: Busch Light is piss flavored water, where's the wine?
College Me: Ew I look so fat!
Adult Me: I wish I looked like I did in college.
College Me: I'm going to sleep in until noon tomorrow. It's going to be great!
Adult Me: I'm going to sleep in until 8am tomorrow. It's going to be great!
As much as I joke about all this stuff, the honest truth is that I have ZERO desire to ever go back to school. I applaud those that have the ambition and the strength to do it because I just don't. School is hard work!
Also, I make fun of getting older and act like it bothers me but truthfully it doesn't. Age is just a number, and the things that have changed about my life (going to sleep at a reasonable hour, always knowing where my pants are in the morning) I perceive as good things.
That being said, it's still fun to look back at those college days ;)
Got any to add? Has a lot changed for you since you were in college?
College Me: Let's go out to the bar and get HAMMERED!
Adult Me: Let's get hammered on my couch.
College Me: Chinese food at 2am? BEST IDEA EVER!
Adult Me: Chinese food at 2am? That decision will stick with me for days.
College Me: Pull an all nighter? No problem, let's go pick up some Red Bull!
Adult Me: Not even a triple shot of espresso could keep me from falling asleep on the couch by 9pm.
College Me: I'm so hungover. Let's start drinking again!
Adult Me: I'm so hungover. Let me just lay down and die.
College Me: Look! A cute guy! I'm going to go makeout with him.
Adult Me: Look! A cute guy! Let me just awkwardly make eye contact and then walk away because I'm too chicken shit to actually talk to him.
College Me: Busch Light is the nectar of the gods
Adult Me: Busch Light is piss flavored water, where's the wine?
College Me: Ew I look so fat!
Adult Me: I wish I looked like I did in college.
College Me: I'm going to sleep in until noon tomorrow. It's going to be great!
Adult Me: I'm going to sleep in until 8am tomorrow. It's going to be great!
As much as I joke about all this stuff, the honest truth is that I have ZERO desire to ever go back to school. I applaud those that have the ambition and the strength to do it because I just don't. School is hard work!
Also, I make fun of getting older and act like it bothers me but truthfully it doesn't. Age is just a number, and the things that have changed about my life (going to sleep at a reasonable hour, always knowing where my pants are in the morning) I perceive as good things.
That being said, it's still fun to look back at those college days ;)
Got any to add? Has a lot changed for you since you were in college?
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Adventures in Dating
So I've started persuing this dating thing a little more aggressively lately (read: I finally actually got over my shitty ex-boyfriend and realized I had better get going since 30 is approaching).
Much like everyone else who has resorted to online dating, I am on multiple dating sites. I am a little ashamed of this fact, but not so ashamed that I would remove myself from one and decrease my chances of finding Mr. Right (or at least Mr. Right Now depending on my mood).
I am currently conversing with three potential suitors.
*Note: Names have been changed to protect the guilty. Which means me.
Guy # 1 (we'll call him Fred): Fred owns a bar. Fred works ungodly hours. Fred is also ungodly hot with the sexiest voice and could possibly be profitable on a phone sex line. But alas, Fred has cancelled on me TWICE at the last minute. I also have not heard from Fred since yesterday morning. I know I should give up, but it's hard to let go of someone that good looking, even if you've never actually met them. Plus Fred is a little bit of a bad boy, which is totally irresistable to me. And yes, I've already had the typical girly unnatural thoughts of our wedding day.
Guy # 2 (we'll call him Barney): Barney works in insurance. Barney is safe, predictable. Slightly boring. He also has two young kids. Not a dealbreaker by any means, but he's a boy next door type who takes a lot of joy in his family. Perhaps not the best choice for a selfish demanding bitch like me. Barney and I had our first date on Sunday. We have texted a bit, but no request for a second date has occurred. Perhaps Barney realized that I am a selfish demanding bitch. Oh well.
Guy # 3 (we'll call him Bam Bam): Bam Bam is a firefighter. I know, right? Tell me I'm not the only one whose mind went to a very dirty place at the mention of a firefighter? Anyway, Bam Bam and I have been conversing via email all morning and have not yet proceeded to the next step of exchanging numbers or setting a date, but his emails are quite sweet and he seems promising. Not my usual type, but I'm trying to stay open minded.
I have a confession.
I really hate dating. The awkward first date situation is brutal.
To quote one of my favorite people in the universe, Courtney Kerr:
"I'm not a good dater! I don't like it; it's uncomfortable. It's like the whole, are we gonna kiss, are we not gonna kiss, are we like gonna go in for an awkward side hug, do you wanna high five, are you gonna pick me up, do you want me to meet you there, like do you think I'm going to have sex with you cause I'm definitely not...it's just very uncomfortable."
Truer words were never spoken. On my date with Barney, we did the hug thing and he kissed me on the cheek, but the whole ten minutes leading up to that there was that anticipation of what is going to happen here? Do I even want him to kiss me? Ugh.
Anyone have any good dating tips for me on making it less awkward? Or on talking to/dating multiple people?
Much like everyone else who has resorted to online dating, I am on multiple dating sites. I am a little ashamed of this fact, but not so ashamed that I would remove myself from one and decrease my chances of finding Mr. Right (or at least Mr. Right Now depending on my mood).
I am currently conversing with three potential suitors.
*Note: Names have been changed to protect the guilty. Which means me.
Guy # 1 (we'll call him Fred): Fred owns a bar. Fred works ungodly hours. Fred is also ungodly hot with the sexiest voice and could possibly be profitable on a phone sex line. But alas, Fred has cancelled on me TWICE at the last minute. I also have not heard from Fred since yesterday morning. I know I should give up, but it's hard to let go of someone that good looking, even if you've never actually met them. Plus Fred is a little bit of a bad boy, which is totally irresistable to me. And yes, I've already had the typical girly unnatural thoughts of our wedding day.
Guy # 2 (we'll call him Barney): Barney works in insurance. Barney is safe, predictable. Slightly boring. He also has two young kids. Not a dealbreaker by any means, but he's a boy next door type who takes a lot of joy in his family. Perhaps not the best choice for a selfish demanding bitch like me. Barney and I had our first date on Sunday. We have texted a bit, but no request for a second date has occurred. Perhaps Barney realized that I am a selfish demanding bitch. Oh well.
Guy # 3 (we'll call him Bam Bam): Bam Bam is a firefighter. I know, right? Tell me I'm not the only one whose mind went to a very dirty place at the mention of a firefighter? Anyway, Bam Bam and I have been conversing via email all morning and have not yet proceeded to the next step of exchanging numbers or setting a date, but his emails are quite sweet and he seems promising. Not my usual type, but I'm trying to stay open minded.
I have a confession.
I really hate dating. The awkward first date situation is brutal.
To quote one of my favorite people in the universe, Courtney Kerr:
"I'm not a good dater! I don't like it; it's uncomfortable. It's like the whole, are we gonna kiss, are we not gonna kiss, are we like gonna go in for an awkward side hug, do you wanna high five, are you gonna pick me up, do you want me to meet you there, like do you think I'm going to have sex with you cause I'm definitely not...it's just very uncomfortable."
Truer words were never spoken. On my date with Barney, we did the hug thing and he kissed me on the cheek, but the whole ten minutes leading up to that there was that anticipation of what is going to happen here? Do I even want him to kiss me? Ugh.
Anyone have any good dating tips for me on making it less awkward? Or on talking to/dating multiple people?
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