Good morning friends!
Today I want to discuss something that has recently become very important to me.
Gym lockerroom ettiquette. Yes, I'm big on etiquette apparently.
For some reason, there are many offenders of lockerroom etiquette at my particular gym.
There are basic rules that everyone should adhere to.
- The "safety" locker. Much like the safety seat at the movies or the safety stall in the bathroom, leave a SPACE between you and the next person. This is particularly important in the lockerroom because you don't want to accidentally touch each other while you are naked. You also don't want to be constantly mumbling apologies for hitting their open locker door or hitting them with your sleeve as your putting your shirt on, etc.
- Shoes. Put them in your locker or under the bench. This isn't your personal space. Your mother isn't here to clean up after you. Put your shoes away.
- Don't stare. As tempting as it is to look at the woman with the third nipple or stare in wonder at the anorexics who always frequent the gym at all hours of the day, just don't do it. Someone can always feel you staring at them and it's awkward.
- Just like on public transportation, don't talk on the phone. This rule actually applies to all enclosed spaces. No one wants to hear your conversation. Wait until you get outside to call or answer the phone.
And last but certainly not least:
- Do not linger naked. I know it's a lockerroom. I know there is a lot of nakedness around...but at least put a top on before you blowdry your hair or put on your makeup. I am not embarassed by my naked body or yours for that matter, but lingering naked is going to cause people to violate rule #3 about staring.
This last rule, coupled with the rule about talking on the phone, caused me to take matters into my own hands last week.
There was a woman (perhaps mid 40s or so) walking around the lockerroom topless while talking on the phone very loudly. She happened to be in the section of the lockerroom I was in, so obviously I was very annoyed.
I got undressed and threw a towel on (because that's what you're SUPPOSED to do) and as I was walking by the naked lady talking on the phone, I gave her the naked hipcheck. The naked hipcheck is intentionally bumping into someone while one or the other or both of you are naked. It's unpleasant. It's awkward. And it's effective.
She stumbled a little and I just turned back and said "oh I'm sorry, I thought you saw me behind you."
She quickly got off the phone at that point and finally put some clothes on.
Point proven. Score one for the lockerroom etiquette police! Don't mess with me or I will naked hipcheck you!
hahaha I love you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hate the naked dwellers, like good for you that you're comfortably with your saggy boobies, but I can't NOT look at them when they're in my face. So let's make this all a lot less awkward and throw a towel over those droopy knockers.
Seriously... the lingering nakedness! I'm not overly conservative by any means, but is there a need to stay topless as you dry your hair? Then do your makeup? Throw a bra on. Please.
ReplyDeleteWow, you're as aggressive as I am...I like it. I hipcheck stupid tourists who take up the whole sidewalk when I'm running, so big extra points to you for the naked part.
ReplyDeletehahahah I love you, that is awesome. I hate when people are overly naked in the locker room. ESPECIALLY since it's a work gym. Creeps me out.
ReplyDeleteI once belonged to a gym where some of the women would SIT NAKED ON THE FLOOR. Like on the nasty-ass locker room carpet. Which suddenly got a lot nastier...
ReplyDeleteI've been going to our tiny ass work gym and it's even worse there because the locker room is tiny so there's just a magnified sense of awkwardness. I try to time when I go around no one being in there, because I get so annoyed it keeps me from wanting to workout at all.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. I'm so glad to know your trick (or at least how to get you to naked hip check me, woot!). I have been in a locker room several times where women stand topless to blow dry their hair. Really? Why?
ReplyDeleteLuckily, I most often go to the work gym. Work makes people less apt to bare it all. Yay for that.
Hahaha, you are my hero. This is one reason why I refuse to belong to a gym more than a few blocks away from my home- I can easily just grab my shit and get out of there to shower at home. It may be cowardly, but the naked hipchecks are not everyone's forte. :)
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of the seinfeld episode where the lady was trying to open a jar of pickles while naked. Just like seinfeld says, there are some things you ShOULDNT do naked.... lingering in a public place is one of them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all this. Also? Don't use the 2 bathroom stalls we have to change while others are waiting to pee. Especially when we have to listen to you talk to the other bathroom stall hog about how your son is dating some whore and the "changing" literally takes more than 6 minutes. We don't care. We just need to pee. Our locker room is HUGE and so there is no sense wasting precious toilet space.
ReplyDelete